Preparations...

Here are just a few of my hoard of hair products going in to closet storage. With the he new do I don't need all the volumizers, dry shampoo and finishing sprays. I've gotten used to the shorter cut. It sure is fast to fix. 

But...the hair loss thing is scaring me more than I say. Think about it. You hair is one of the first things people notice. You get compliments, people notice the color or new style you have. A great visit to the hair salon can make your week. 

I just called and canceled the haircut I had for his week. It's very awkward to explain that you won't be needing the haircut because you won't have hair soon. I know it's coming. It's inevitable. But the part of losing is maybe isn't bothering me as much as the "unknown day of dread." I have no idea what day will be the day when I wake up to find hair on my pillow. I feel my hair as soon as I wake up, just to check. Two to four weeks after your first treatment is the average for most people. Day 14-28 is a BIG range of unknown! I do know I want to shave it before hunks come out but then again I don't want to do it too early because being bald sure makes this crap real. Lisa asked if I wanted to shave it this weekend. My response, "I'm just not ready." Because I'm not. I'm just not ready to look like a cancer patient. I'm not ready to go somewhere and have people immediately know what I'm dealing with. I want to be normal for as long as possible. I do know this is short-term, but it is still something so a part of my identity. 

Here is my bright side. I hope that in losing my hair, my daughter truly learns that beauty is not in your hair, your eyebrows or eyelashes. It's in who you project from the inside. It's being brave enough to make jokes and tease about my bald head. I want her to develop empathy for others who may not feel pretty but who truly are. She tells me often lately that she thinks I'm pretty. I really don't cry in front of her, but she knows me well enough to sense that I'm scared. I love that about her.