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Sunday, October 25, 2015

This Just Sucks

That is all I can say about chemo. I feel nauseous like I did when I was pregnant with both my kids but without the promise and joy of a new baby.

I knew I would feel gross, but I had no idea. Hopefully, day 5 will be better tomorrow. Nothing really tastes good, especially water, which is weird. I hope my taste buds come back soon.

I am getting used to the hair. It's not so bad and really fast to fix. It will be less of a shock when it starts to really fall out soon.

Yesterday, mom, Lisa, Bella, and I got out for a bit. I didn't know that Lisa snuck this picture, but I have to admit that I love it. It was one of those moments of "I never want to let my baby go." She has been so worried about me and so sweet. I know this whole journey will help make my kids better people too. It will be a challenge for us all, but we will all be stronger in the end.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Beyond Blessed

My sweet sister collected all your pics for me today in a flip-o-gram. I love you Ashlee so much. She is amazing, encouraging and supportive!



Thursday, October 22, 2015

And the Saga Begins...

Updated***

Apparently I wrote this when I was drugged up. I editing and now my spelling shouldn't be so atrocious.

This one will be short. I'm not feeling great but I wanted to post an update. Today began the first of 16 rounds of chemo. I had no idea that there would be so much involved. So many bags of saline and drugs.

They gave me anti nausea meds but they aren't totally working. They gave me a bit extra and that helped, but made me sleepy. I crashed for four hours when I got home. I have a rockin' auto-injector for my shot tomorrow so I don't have to go back until next week.


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

This is Real

So this whole thing has felt like a dream. A very bad dream. 
For the past week and a half all it has really been, is talk. I don't look sick. I don't feel sick. Yet there is something inside me that should not be there.

But yesterday, the bad dream became reality. Scott and I woke up early, got the kids off with the grandparents and we headed to Addison for my port placement. The port is this lovely device that will live under my skin, feed a tube into my jugular and directly to my heart. That way the chemo can get straight to my heart to be distributed more effectively. It will be handy, but the placement of this tiny device made all this "cancer" talk concrete.

I've kept it together pretty well. Mostly for those around me. My friends, my kids...but this particular morning I cried. And cried. And cried.

I cried the whole 30 min drive to Addison.

We listened to Oceans by Hillsong United on repeat. If you haven't heard that song, you should download it right now.

Poor Scott just reached over, held my hand and helplessly let me cry. This is my reality. This port means that chemo is starting soon. Soon, as in Thursday morning, soon.

I know I will be stronger when all this is through, I know it is a crappy journey that my family, friends, and I have to travel. I do know that you aren't the only one who goes on the journey. Every person that loves you is traveling right along with you.

Let the journey begin.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Just the Beginning...

This has been a fast and furious journey and we've only just begun. About two weeks ago, after the Garth Brooks concert, I found a lump in my right breast. It felt like a golfball in there. I made an appointment with my Ob/Gyn and he sent me for a diagnostic mammogram and possible sonogram. After getting my breast flattened to an inch in my 3D mammogram, I could clearly see the mass on the screen before me. They shuffled me to a sonogram where the Dr. confirmed that it was not a cyst, but a solid mass and a needle biopsy was needed to determine if it was cancer. 

On Monday, Scott went with me for the biopsy. Something in me already knew it was cancer. I can't explain it other that I just knew. The wait was on with a results appointment on Thursday afternoon. I think I was already grieving because I knew the verdict. As soon as we arrived, a nurse navigator took us to a room with a table and a box of kleenex...never a good sign.

She delivered the news. Breast cancer--Invasive Ductal Cell Carcinoma. 

Scott and I held each other and began to process the frightening news. How were we going to tell our parents and our kids?

After hours of crying and being unable to speak to those we love, we got ourselves together and faced the news. I decided to get the news out there so it wasn't going word of mouth. It just seemed easier this way. I've had my days to wallow and be sad and now I'm ready to fight!  I am set up with an appointment for this coming Monday with the breast surgeon. She ordered an MRI that I had yesterday after FIVE IV attempts!  I feel like a pin cushion.Hopefully, we will know more about the plan after that.

Thanks to all the amazing emails, texts, and facebook messages from all my friends. I feel so much love and support. I can't imagine living or working in any other place. I'm where God needs me to be. 
 

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