This is Real

So this whole thing has felt like a dream. A very bad dream. 

For the past week and a half all it has really been, is talk. I don't look sick. I don't feel sick. Yet there is something inside me that should not be there.

But yesterday, the bad dream became reality. Scott and I woke up early, got the kids off with the grandparents and we headed to Addison for my port placement. The port is this lovely device that will live under my skin, feed a tube into my jugular and directly to my heart. That way the chemo can get straight to my heart to be distributed more effectively. It will be handy, but the placement of this tiny device made all this "cancer" talk concrete.

I've kept it together pretty well. Mostly for those around me. My friends, my kids...but this particular morning I cried. And cried. And cried.

I cried the whole 30 min drive to Addison.

We listened to Oceans by Hillsong United on repeat. If you haven't heard that song, you should download it right now.

Poor Scott just reached over, held my hand and helplessly let me cry. This is my reality. This port means that chemo is starting soon. Soon, as in Thursday morning, soon.

I know I will be stronger when all this is through, I know it is a crappy journey that my family, friends, and I have to travel. I do know that you aren't the only one who goes on the journey. Every person that loves you is traveling right along with you.

Let the journey begin.