It's Been A While...Update on the Next Step

I know, it has been a while since my last post. A lot has happened since the beginning of April when I last shared.

After my double mastectomy, I went through a series of fills. This is where they insert a HUGE needle into a port under the skin and fill the expanders. The purpose is to expand the skin in order to create a pocket for the final implants. The first expansion wasn't so bad. No big deal. But the second was another story entirely. I was in so much pain, I had to take the good pain meds again just to take the edge off. From there, my weekly fills weren't so bad. A little soreness, but nothing compared to that second time.

Dr. W filled them up with 800cc of saline (to capacity) so that he had some extra tissue to use for nipple reconstruction. Let's just say these babies are hard as rocks. And, 7 weeks later, the skin has stretched so that now I have low-hanging softballs on my chest! I am SO ready to get these things out. Uncomfortable is an understatement.

The good news is that next week is my "swap" surgery! They will take out the tissue expanders, lift my breasts and place the new implants that will sit high and perky. He assures me that they won't be as wide, but they will have more projection. I'll admit, I'm not totally sure what that means. I picture torpedo boobs, but I know Dr. W will make them beautiful. As a bonus, I'm getting out my Power Port (the ugly thing under my skin where they infused chemo). I am ridiculously excited about this prospect. At least the recovery should be way easier than my mastectomy.

I am often asked about how I felt having the mastectomy. Do I miss my breasts? Did I mourn the loss? Did I feel like part of my womanhood was missing? Did I cry?

The answer is different for every woman. No two of us have the same response or feelings.
YES I did miss them right after the mastectomy. I felt like something was missing. I was a DD when I went into surgery and an A when I came out. I felt boyish for a while but now, with the gradual fills, don't have that same feeling as before.

NO I didn't mourn my breasts. They have given me nothing but trouble all my life. First a breast reduction at 24 and now this.

NO I do not feel like a part of my womanhood is missing. My breasts do not make me a woman. (But these new ones are going to ROCK!)

NO I didn't cry. I think I got all that out at the beginning of this journey. Now when I cry it is for the immense gratitude I feel for my family and friends. They have given their time, support and continuous love through it all. My tears are those of joy and blessings.

So next Monday, say a quick prayer for me as I undergo the knife again. Thank you all for your comments, prayers and love. It is felt every day when I can say, "I'm cancer free!"

Much love,
Laura